We had our first ultrasound yesterday. I should have known when the nurses got quiet and asked for the doctor to come in. There were two shapes on the screen, one much smaller than the other. The larger one they could not get to come in clearly, apparently because it's so high up in my uterus. A few times they identified what they thought was the fetal pole, but because it wasn't clear they weren't 100% sure. Not even the doctor could get it. With no positive ID on a fetal pole, they certainly weren't going to get a definitive flutter ("pulsation") for a heartbeat. I could feel my heart sinking as they kept moving the wand around (which was actually quite uncomfortable).
The fact that we had twins and we are losing one most likely is very upsetting. Since we only had one beta, and it was very high, I assumed the doctors knew everything would be just fine. I should have been more proactive and asked for another beta to make sure the numbers were doubling I suppose. I asked the doctor yesterday flat out if the smaller one had a chance. He said most likely no, because a fetal pole wasn't even visible. This means it could be a blighted ovum which is an even bigger problem since the body's tendency is to miscarry those naturally. If the other baby is ok, I don't want to worry about something happening to that one while we lose the other one.
One of the women I have met on the forum I belong to commented that one of her two twins implanted a lot later than the first one, hence the big size difference and it eventually caught up. That did make me feel a little better but I couldn't help being so disappointed.
We go back on Wednesday to try again. This time, we'll hopefully get some definitive answers. Hopefully we'll get a nice strong heartbeat from our growing baby, and maybe just maybe we'll see a fetal pole for the smaller one. I refuse to give up on #6 or #11 at this point!!!
God is great; I remain optimistic.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
One two week wait complete, now we're in the second one!
Our first two week wait ended on June 18. I spent most of the day at the hospital with my mom visiting my grandma, and anxiously checking the time. Around noon I sent Jason an email with "nothing yet" as the subject line. We decided to bet on what time the doctor's office would call--he bet 3pm and I bet 3:30. I also decided if they didn't call by 3:30, I would call there, so that way I would know someone would answer the phone.
At 2:20 my phone rang and thankfully we were outside on the cafeteria patio so I had service. It was Stephanie, my very favorite nurse. I told her I had had a very tough week and I sure hoped she had some good news for me since I never tested at home. Her response: "You never tested at home? I pegged you for a home tester for sure!" I told her that I was always a rule follower and I never did! She then said, "If you never tested at home, then you have no idea you are pregnant do you..." I started jumping up and down and yelling thank you. (Mom: "STOP JUMPING!") It was so exciting. She also informed me that my HCG was 647, so I could be carrying both babies still! I couldn't believe it. Jason was cautiously excited. He was at work so it's not like he could get super loud about it plus he is so nervous something will happen. I understand his concern, and I am scared too. But we waited so long for that moment that I just wanted to be happy and excited.
Now we're waiting for July 7, our first ultrasound, where we will hopefully see one, if not two, heartbeats!! This might even be harder than the first two week wait, plus it's longer. :) It's been nice not having to get blood drawn every couple of days. I also asked about the progesterone injections as I have developed some serious lumps and bruises that don't go away. They have allowed me, for now, to discontinue those shots. It was the next best news next to finding out we're pregnant! I still do daily progesterone suppositories and Estrace tablets though to ensure my lining maintains it's status as a great home for the baby(ies).
It's been so great to tell a few of our close friends and family, but we won't be spreading our good news until August 9th or so when we pass the first trimester mark. We just want to make sure nothing happens in the meantime. We are so incredibly grateful of one and possibly two babies that are growing healthy and strong! We can't wait to see them on the screen in 13 days! God is great!
At 2:20 my phone rang and thankfully we were outside on the cafeteria patio so I had service. It was Stephanie, my very favorite nurse. I told her I had had a very tough week and I sure hoped she had some good news for me since I never tested at home. Her response: "You never tested at home? I pegged you for a home tester for sure!" I told her that I was always a rule follower and I never did! She then said, "If you never tested at home, then you have no idea you are pregnant do you..." I started jumping up and down and yelling thank you. (Mom: "STOP JUMPING!") It was so exciting. She also informed me that my HCG was 647, so I could be carrying both babies still! I couldn't believe it. Jason was cautiously excited. He was at work so it's not like he could get super loud about it plus he is so nervous something will happen. I understand his concern, and I am scared too. But we waited so long for that moment that I just wanted to be happy and excited.
Now we're waiting for July 7, our first ultrasound, where we will hopefully see one, if not two, heartbeats!! This might even be harder than the first two week wait, plus it's longer. :) It's been nice not having to get blood drawn every couple of days. I also asked about the progesterone injections as I have developed some serious lumps and bruises that don't go away. They have allowed me, for now, to discontinue those shots. It was the next best news next to finding out we're pregnant! I still do daily progesterone suppositories and Estrace tablets though to ensure my lining maintains it's status as a great home for the baby(ies).
It's been so great to tell a few of our close friends and family, but we won't be spreading our good news until August 9th or so when we pass the first trimester mark. We just want to make sure nothing happens in the meantime. We are so incredibly grateful of one and possibly two babies that are growing healthy and strong! We can't wait to see them on the screen in 13 days! God is great!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Onto the waiting game...
The FSH shots (known as stims) went ok once we got into a routine with them. The worst one was the first one, which burned like I've never felt, and it lasted about 10 minutes. I can only equate it to someone holding a match to my skin which really was almost unbearable. The subsequent nights Jason became a pro at making sure he got all the air bubbles out after mixing all three vials of meds together, he let the syringe sit for a few minutes, and we also moved down lower on my stomach. All of these things made a big difference and it got to a point where it was more an inconvenience than anything really painful.
I didn't have too many side effects either except more bloating. As we got closer to retrieval, the bloating intensified until I looked about 4 months pregnant! It turns out on my final ultrasound I had 63 (!!!!) follicles ready though not all were mature. This number is way too high and is indicative of OHSS (aka hyperstim). This is not a good thing at all. I was moving slower and slower just before retrieval as the bloating became more painful.
Finally, we were told to trigger on a Saturday night, just two days prior to Memorial Day. They scheduled my retrieval for the holiday at 9am in the morning. Triggering went much smoother than I expected considering it's a rather large needle that goes in your butt!!! Retrieval itself was very odd; the IV needle was HUGE and went into my forearm. I couldn't look but I did see blood everywhere after the very painful jab into my arm.... enough blood in fact that the nurse had to change her scrubs. Yuck! The pain that caused was about equivalent to the bloodloss. After the sedation, I woke up in the recovery room feeling quite alert and able to remember things; I never asked the same question twice as one would expect. Jason was very happy and relieved to see me so awake and alert after seeing another zombie-like woman practically carried out of the clinic by her husband. I felt great later that day and even wanted to stop for pizza (since I hadn't had it in weeks).
The next day I woke up with a huge abdomen (all over swollen, even up to my ribs) and an incredible amount of pain. It was awful. I realized then that the 63 follicles really were causing me to hyperstim. The next day was about the same and I was thinking that a trip to ER for pain meds and to have all that fluid drained was going to be inevitable. But it was also the first day of Curwood, and I refused to sit home and be miserable so I went anyway even though I could barely walk. I think continuing to move around (and drink an incredible amount of water and gatorade) is what saved me. By Friday I was feeling much better though I was still pretty bloated and showing a big gut still!
They retrieved 16 eggs, and 13 fertilized so we were very excited. They scheduled a five day blastocyst transfer for Saturday. On our way down, I asked Jason if he thought we lost many during the five days. He said he thought so, but he hoped maybe 11 made it since that's his lucky number and was always his jersey number in sports. At transfer, they showed us their report card, and we had lost a few along the way. The doctor then showed us three photos of our best embryos--#2, #6, and #11. He advised they suggested transferring in #6 and #11. We were so excited and grateful for that sign. Transfer was quite easy except for having to have an ultrasound with a very full bladder. They also gave us a photo of the screen right at transfer so hopefully that can go in the baby book for #6 and #11. :)
Now we just wait... and wait... and wait for next Friday's official beta test to see if I really am pregnant. I already had one scary moment when my nurse called to change my meds--Estrace three times a day now, Crinone gel inserts every morning, and those horrid progesterone in oil injections daily. THat part is really bad considering the after effects are like tetanus shot sore muscles. Plus if the wrong spot is hit, it's pretty painful with a 22 gauge needle and 2ccs of oil oozing out. OUCH!
I have been praying fastidiously daily and talking to my babies. I promised them that next year they would get to go to the Curwood parade and actually watch it with eyes!! I've also been eating my daily pineapple hoping that encourages implantation! I really pray this is going to work since I'm already living like I am expecting! God is great!
I didn't have too many side effects either except more bloating. As we got closer to retrieval, the bloating intensified until I looked about 4 months pregnant! It turns out on my final ultrasound I had 63 (!!!!) follicles ready though not all were mature. This number is way too high and is indicative of OHSS (aka hyperstim). This is not a good thing at all. I was moving slower and slower just before retrieval as the bloating became more painful.
Finally, we were told to trigger on a Saturday night, just two days prior to Memorial Day. They scheduled my retrieval for the holiday at 9am in the morning. Triggering went much smoother than I expected considering it's a rather large needle that goes in your butt!!! Retrieval itself was very odd; the IV needle was HUGE and went into my forearm. I couldn't look but I did see blood everywhere after the very painful jab into my arm.... enough blood in fact that the nurse had to change her scrubs. Yuck! The pain that caused was about equivalent to the bloodloss. After the sedation, I woke up in the recovery room feeling quite alert and able to remember things; I never asked the same question twice as one would expect. Jason was very happy and relieved to see me so awake and alert after seeing another zombie-like woman practically carried out of the clinic by her husband. I felt great later that day and even wanted to stop for pizza (since I hadn't had it in weeks).
The next day I woke up with a huge abdomen (all over swollen, even up to my ribs) and an incredible amount of pain. It was awful. I realized then that the 63 follicles really were causing me to hyperstim. The next day was about the same and I was thinking that a trip to ER for pain meds and to have all that fluid drained was going to be inevitable. But it was also the first day of Curwood, and I refused to sit home and be miserable so I went anyway even though I could barely walk. I think continuing to move around (and drink an incredible amount of water and gatorade) is what saved me. By Friday I was feeling much better though I was still pretty bloated and showing a big gut still!
They retrieved 16 eggs, and 13 fertilized so we were very excited. They scheduled a five day blastocyst transfer for Saturday. On our way down, I asked Jason if he thought we lost many during the five days. He said he thought so, but he hoped maybe 11 made it since that's his lucky number and was always his jersey number in sports. At transfer, they showed us their report card, and we had lost a few along the way. The doctor then showed us three photos of our best embryos--#2, #6, and #11. He advised they suggested transferring in #6 and #11. We were so excited and grateful for that sign. Transfer was quite easy except for having to have an ultrasound with a very full bladder. They also gave us a photo of the screen right at transfer so hopefully that can go in the baby book for #6 and #11. :)
Now we just wait... and wait... and wait for next Friday's official beta test to see if I really am pregnant. I already had one scary moment when my nurse called to change my meds--Estrace three times a day now, Crinone gel inserts every morning, and those horrid progesterone in oil injections daily. THat part is really bad considering the after effects are like tetanus shot sore muscles. Plus if the wrong spot is hit, it's pretty painful with a 22 gauge needle and 2ccs of oil oozing out. OUCH!
I have been praying fastidiously daily and talking to my babies. I promised them that next year they would get to go to the Curwood parade and actually watch it with eyes!! I've also been eating my daily pineapple hoping that encourages implantation! I really pray this is going to work since I'm already living like I am expecting! God is great!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Phase One complete, now onto Phase Two!
Lupron injections started rather ceremoniously as we celebrated my 30th birthday at the Inn at Black Star Farms. I'm sure housekeeping was thrilled with my sharps container and giant ziploc baggie of syringes, meds, and alcohol wipes spread out on the counter. I definitely had several moments of panic when I would start to go for it and then stop at the last second. It's pretty hard to psych yourself up to inflict your own pain! But I got through it and after several days, the side effects of dizziness, lightheadedness and stinging have subsided greatly. However, the bloatedness and weight gain have not.
After over a week of this fun, we're finally able to move onto Phase Two, which starts tomorrow at 6:00am when I get ready to leave for Hurley for my first ultrasound and bloodwork "to make sure my ovaries are quiet". Then we should have the all clear to add in another daily injection; this time the fun is scheduled for evenings.
Jason has given up his weekend cigars and beer in attempt to manufacture olympian swimmers. The combination of tobacco and alcohol has the worst effects on count, motility, and morphology, most specifically on morphology so I am very proud of him for making the necessary sacrifices. However, I should note that in his attempt to learn to relax in other ways, he's driving himself and me crazy. He can't sit still, he's edgy, irritable, and moody. I trust it will get easier as the weeks progress, and for both of our sake, I hope retrieval is pre-Memorial Day weekend!!
I have attempted to follow all the diet recommendations and I began to transition over the weekend. No more ice cream or dairy, chocolate, caffeine, white flour, etc. Instead I'm drinking almond milk, eating lean proteins, lots of vegetables and fruits, and trying to eat and drink everything warm, which is actually a lot harder than it sounds. Also, trying to consume 3 liters of water a day is quite challenging, not to mention the amount of extra time required for more trips to the bathroom. I feel that everything I am doing is totally worth it. My favorite quotes so far:
"Roosevelt will appreciate it" -and-
"Now I know how you feel! Your life is boring!"
While I am very nervous about this next stage, I am anxious to continue moving forward in our quest to be blessed with a baby(s). I feel that my faith and trust in God has grown so much stronger these past few weeks... because I have to put all of my worries in his hands, and trust in Him to guide us and help us make decisions. Thy Will Be Done!
After over a week of this fun, we're finally able to move onto Phase Two, which starts tomorrow at 6:00am when I get ready to leave for Hurley for my first ultrasound and bloodwork "to make sure my ovaries are quiet". Then we should have the all clear to add in another daily injection; this time the fun is scheduled for evenings.
Jason has given up his weekend cigars and beer in attempt to manufacture olympian swimmers. The combination of tobacco and alcohol has the worst effects on count, motility, and morphology, most specifically on morphology so I am very proud of him for making the necessary sacrifices. However, I should note that in his attempt to learn to relax in other ways, he's driving himself and me crazy. He can't sit still, he's edgy, irritable, and moody. I trust it will get easier as the weeks progress, and for both of our sake, I hope retrieval is pre-Memorial Day weekend!!
I have attempted to follow all the diet recommendations and I began to transition over the weekend. No more ice cream or dairy, chocolate, caffeine, white flour, etc. Instead I'm drinking almond milk, eating lean proteins, lots of vegetables and fruits, and trying to eat and drink everything warm, which is actually a lot harder than it sounds. Also, trying to consume 3 liters of water a day is quite challenging, not to mention the amount of extra time required for more trips to the bathroom. I feel that everything I am doing is totally worth it. My favorite quotes so far:
"Roosevelt will appreciate it" -and-
"Now I know how you feel! Your life is boring!"
While I am very nervous about this next stage, I am anxious to continue moving forward in our quest to be blessed with a baby(s). I feel that my faith and trust in God has grown so much stronger these past few weeks... because I have to put all of my worries in his hands, and trust in Him to guide us and help us make decisions. Thy Will Be Done!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Happy 30th birthday; now here are your fertility meds...
So much has happened since my last post! We met with the new RE team at the new clinic. We passed our mock transfer with flying colors--his exact words were, "You have a textbook uterus! No, really, I'd like to take your film and use it to teach at the college, if that's ok with you!" Well then! At least something is working correctly in my body! Teach away with my beautiful uterus film. All of my hormone levels from Cycle Day 3 all came back normal as well.
And for my 30th birthday, I received $683 worth of meds in a huge box! Progesterone in Oil with the HUGE needles, Lupron 14 day kit, Crinone gel applicators, Ovidrel, tons of syringes and other needles, alcohol swabs, Darvocet, Estrace, and an antibiotic. Awesome! My counter looks like a smalltown pharmacy and I still haven't gotten my Bravelle and Menopur yet from the doctor's office. Yay for my insurance paying for the Lupron, Darvocet, Estrace, and the antibiotic. Boo for not covering any of the expensive items (except the Lupron).
We really are moving forward! My husband and I attended the 2.5 hour injection teaching class a few weeks ago. There was another couple, and two women without their significant others. All in all, a diverse group. Keeping track of everything and how to mix meds is quite a challenge but fortunately the clinic gave us a big binder and I'm still pretty good at note taking. What they didn't mention beforehand was that we would be doing a practice shot that day! Probably a good thing, as I would have freaked out the entire class had I known. I give DH a lot of credit though as he did a good job getting the right spot on my left cheek with not as much pain as I was expecting. I then gave myself a practice one in the stomach, but not until I faked myself out once. How ridiculous! This isn't basketball! No fake moves to the hoop, just shoot!
In my quest to keep the next few weeks as stress-free as possible, I am getting a pedicure tonight with a very pregnant friend, signing up for yoga classes, and making appointments for massages and facials in the coming weeks. I WILL be relaxed and calm through it all!
I am taking comfort in knowing that my first injection of Lupron will happen on Sunday morning, Mother's Day 2010. Hopefully that's a sign!!! God is great!
And for my 30th birthday, I received $683 worth of meds in a huge box! Progesterone in Oil with the HUGE needles, Lupron 14 day kit, Crinone gel applicators, Ovidrel, tons of syringes and other needles, alcohol swabs, Darvocet, Estrace, and an antibiotic. Awesome! My counter looks like a smalltown pharmacy and I still haven't gotten my Bravelle and Menopur yet from the doctor's office. Yay for my insurance paying for the Lupron, Darvocet, Estrace, and the antibiotic. Boo for not covering any of the expensive items (except the Lupron).
We really are moving forward! My husband and I attended the 2.5 hour injection teaching class a few weeks ago. There was another couple, and two women without their significant others. All in all, a diverse group. Keeping track of everything and how to mix meds is quite a challenge but fortunately the clinic gave us a big binder and I'm still pretty good at note taking. What they didn't mention beforehand was that we would be doing a practice shot that day! Probably a good thing, as I would have freaked out the entire class had I known. I give DH a lot of credit though as he did a good job getting the right spot on my left cheek with not as much pain as I was expecting. I then gave myself a practice one in the stomach, but not until I faked myself out once. How ridiculous! This isn't basketball! No fake moves to the hoop, just shoot!
In my quest to keep the next few weeks as stress-free as possible, I am getting a pedicure tonight with a very pregnant friend, signing up for yoga classes, and making appointments for massages and facials in the coming weeks. I WILL be relaxed and calm through it all!
I am taking comfort in knowing that my first injection of Lupron will happen on Sunday morning, Mother's Day 2010. Hopefully that's a sign!!! God is great!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The journey begins...
I'll never forget the day I had my HSG. I remember looking at the screen during the xray, and knowing that the dye should flow easily into both sides, lighting up my tubes like the fourth of July. But instead, one side remained totally dark. And then the pain set in. It's hard to describe pain in your inner parts...it's not like an ankle sprain, or a paper cut, or a sore muscle. It's weird and uncomfortable and in this case, it brought tears to my eyes. Then the other side sloooowly lit up, but I was assured this might mean it's ok after all. I knew the radiologist felt badly because he kept apologizing and trying to tell me that even with one side, I could still get pregnant.
After six months of trying, and knowing something was seriously wrong with my body, my suspicions were confirmed on that morning. I left the hospital with what felt like a diaper in my underwear and I don't remember much about the calls to my husband, my mom, my friend. I remember dropping an F word in while talking to my mom... something like, "It hurt so bad, I've got blocked tubes and now I'm coming down with an f-ing cold!" I could tell she wanted to laugh because she didn't know how else to react.
Fast forward to today, when I'm reflecting back to the last three months of specialist visits, internet searches for more information, and countless blood draws, I am hoping the end is near. And by the end I mean this phase; I'm ready to move past all this diagnostic crap and get onto the in vitro part. The part where I have to learn to give myself injections, drive an hour one way several times a week, have blood draws and ultrasounds every couple of days, and pray like crazy that it all works and at the end of it all, we have a healthy baby in our arms. I'm thinking that delivery will be a piece of cake compared to all of this!
But life is good. Even when I feel most alone (which is frequently lately--not a feeling I'm used to at all!), I know God is right here by my side and he's with me through it all. And without Him, I am nothing. God is great!
After six months of trying, and knowing something was seriously wrong with my body, my suspicions were confirmed on that morning. I left the hospital with what felt like a diaper in my underwear and I don't remember much about the calls to my husband, my mom, my friend. I remember dropping an F word in while talking to my mom... something like, "It hurt so bad, I've got blocked tubes and now I'm coming down with an f-ing cold!" I could tell she wanted to laugh because she didn't know how else to react.
Fast forward to today, when I'm reflecting back to the last three months of specialist visits, internet searches for more information, and countless blood draws, I am hoping the end is near. And by the end I mean this phase; I'm ready to move past all this diagnostic crap and get onto the in vitro part. The part where I have to learn to give myself injections, drive an hour one way several times a week, have blood draws and ultrasounds every couple of days, and pray like crazy that it all works and at the end of it all, we have a healthy baby in our arms. I'm thinking that delivery will be a piece of cake compared to all of this!
But life is good. Even when I feel most alone (which is frequently lately--not a feeling I'm used to at all!), I know God is right here by my side and he's with me through it all. And without Him, I am nothing. God is great!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
