The 28 Week Mark

I can't believe I'm seven months pregnant. Where has the time gone?

We successfully registered for what was far more difficult than wedding registries. Every baby is different so even armed with great advice from friends, we stood there in wonder at the 40 different brands and combos of bottles alone. Sigh. But I am pretty happy overall with what we've got on there.

We've made progress with the nursery too! Besides painting, Jason and I managed to get the border up. It looks so completely adorable and is a perfect room for a baby and eventually a little boy. Puppies galore, and his very own puppy Mawby. We love our work. Pictures to come when we're done! :)

My back is really, really bad. I had a total of seven ribs out initially that were manipulated back into place followed by massage to try to get the muscles to release that had been overcompensating for the outed ribs. PT three times a week is still not enough. I have a mostly deflated beach ball that makes the car and my desk slightly more tolerable. By evening I am flat on my back with a heating pad just to get some relief. Each week at least several ribs have to be put back and my PT assures me this will continue until the baby is born. What she isn't saying (and what I realize) is that it will continuously get WORSE because of putting on more and more weight! As I've said all along, better me than him.

Last night was our first night of birthing class. In a room full of all kinds of pregnant women, I had the longest to go but I felt huge. Jason said my perception of myself is really distorted because I'm not big at all. Sidebar: today at a seminar the women were in awe that I'm seven months because "You're SO TINY!" so maybe my perception is off and he is right. The class though is full of characters that will make it interesting/annoying for the next three weeks. Last night was intense though complete with birthing videos and the stages of labor. Even watching all of it, I am determined to have a good experience, a short delivery, and no epidural. We'll see how I feel in another month or so.

Finally, people seem to frequently ask if I love being pregnant. The honest answer is no. I actually hate being pregnant. I've been totally miserable the entire time; I couldn't eat anything through week 15 and actually lost weight, then my ankles and feet turned into "freakish elephant feet" as Jason called them, requiring compression stockings, now my back is a huge problem, all the while not sleeping well ever since November, having to go the bathroom constantly, absentmindedness like I've never known and clumsiness that results in mystery bruises and lumps. BUT what I do love is that we've been given this miracle gift of life from God, that we will be parents soon, that we have a healthy baby boy so far, and I get to feel him wiggling all over every day.

That's the part I love. God is great!!

Returning from Florida

We spent not long enough in Florida this week. You should never come home at the end of April to 37 degrees and rainy and freezing in the day time. In Florida it was 90 and sunny EVERY DAY. I kept apologizing to Baby H when we sat in the sun or in the pool that we have to live somewhere with such miserable weather. We had a great time with my dad, Denise, Jr., and my grandparents. Jr.'s dog Tuffy is so adorable. He makes Mawby look like a moose. I'm really glad he rescued him and hopefully he can continue to make him less nervous, more trusting, and get rid of that separation anxiety he has! Fortunately Aunt Sarah dolled him up with a new summer collar, matching leash and a yellow Zanies bear that he loves.

Jason got to golf with my dad, and I got to catch up with Denise in the pool which was great. When Denise would go inside, I was just sitting in the sun (or on the sunshelf in the pool) and I never needed a magazine or anything. I was content to just BE. That never happens! I spent a lot of time thinking about everything we've been through since we've gotten married. I also spent a lot of time talking to God in prayer which was very calming and peaceful.

I had my OB appointment today and I had to bring up the severe pain in my back, because it's progressively getting worse. Sitting at my desk is bad but at least I can get up. Sitting in the car is the worst because I don't want to have to pull over every 10 minutes to get out. The plane ride was especially brutal but thanks to the nice stewardess who allowed me to stand in the back. My doctor believes, of all things, that I have a rib out! I start physical therapy on Monday and I hope I have PT several times a week if that means this problem can be fixed quickly!!! It makes sense though since heat/ice don't touch the pain and I can't manipulate my muscles to make the pain more or less. My next appointment will also include the glucose test instead of just the usual pee in a cup/blood pressure/baby heart beat/any questions? so that will be interesting.

This will be a busy weekend with us going to register tomorrow at Target and Babies R Us. Fortunately I have lists from friends with infants so I hopefully will have an easy time registering. Sunday is Mass and Easter dinner so I am looking forward to that and being able to tell the rest of my family we are expecting. My shower invites came today and I'm really happy with them! It all feels so real now, especially as I sit here and Harrison keeps up the high kicks!

We are so grateful for the many blessings we have. God is great!

Half way through April and 24 weeks pregnant!

I am so grateful to start today's post with that! It seems like so long ago we were on pins and needles waiting to find out if our dream of becoming parents would come true. Now here I am, 24 weeks, and definitely pregnant. At our big Curwood meeting on Wednesday, there was no more hiding Baby H! Even with my big baggy red sweatshirt, apparently it was obvious. It was exciting and scary all at once to have so many people offering hugs and congratulations. Baby H and I had a little talk in bed that night about him sticking with it and getting stronger and healthy since so many people are waiting to meet him. What a blessed little guy.

He moves around so frequently now that if a few hours go by and I don't feel him, I start to get worried. Obsessive I'm sure, but I will always worry about my son. My next OB appointment is Thursday when we return from visiting my family in Florida so that reassurance will be nice. Then only one more monthly appointment and I graduate to every two weeks! I can't believe it.

Jason made some serious progress on the nursery last weekend. He painted below the coming chair rail a deep chocolate brown (to match our decor, we had the Home Depot guy scan the puppy's ear from our pattern!). We also cleaned everything except my old twin bed out of that room and had St. Vincent De Paul pick up his old bachelor days futon and a ton of clothes we aren't in need of. I washed the closet out and got some of the baby things we have organized. It's really coming along! Now we just need to get the chair rail up so I can call in the guys to clean the carpets in the whole house... one step at a time.

We are hoping to get our registries done next weekend now that my shower date is set. I am SO excited to have it at the Shiawassee Arts Council on June 19th. It will be a perfect place to have it. Several friends already know they can't make it, which does make me a little sad. Summer is so busy though that I totally understand!

We also booked our maternity photos session with Maureen Hartson. Weather permitting, we will be doing them at Curwood Castle on June 14th. I am excited for that! I just hope I haven't started swelling all over by then. My ankles and feet are currently pretty bad but the compression thigh highs I now sport are making a big difference in keeping the edema to a minimum.

Since everyone always asks how I'm feeling, here is the truth. I can't remember the last time I slept well or for more than three hours at a time. I'm pretty sure it was pre-FET in November. I figure this is God's way of preparing me for life with an infant in the house! I also have tremendous back pain that seems worse from sitting and driving along with acid reflux which is all new to me. Sometimes I can hear my heart beating in my ear which is totally strange but normal I am told. I love the idea that we will have a son soon, but I don't love being pregnant at all. I'm actually pretty uncomfortable most of the time and it's only going to get worse. I often tell Jason he should try to strap a 14 pound bowling ball onto his stomach and see how it is to do the day to day stuff with it on. BUT I wouldn't trade any of this for anything though! I am so grateful for the chance to have this baby. God is great!

It's finally April!

After the long Michigan winter, I am so excited it's officially April today! A lot has happened in the past few months, so I'll take a minute to get caught up:

The rest of January--I went for my final visit to the RE's office in Flint. I knew I would miss them terribly but I didn't cry when I said goodbye and I was proud of myself for that! I took them cupcakes and brownies and both were a big hit. Even at 9am, like my office, everyone was eating treats, including one of the doctors in his street clothes. My favorite nurse and I hugged one last time, and I congratulated her as she's due in June! I promised to keep in touch and I fully intend to stop in sometime in the next two months. Thank you to them from the bottom of my heart! It should also go on record here that I told Stephanie I was SURE that I am having a boy. She asked me how I knew that, and I said I just know. Plus I had two dreams and both were boys. She had the same thing happen and she was right, so time would tell if I would be right too.

February--baby's first vacations!! Jason and I went to Ft. Myers and then to Key West with his mom and dad for a long weekend. Key West was awesome! We had a great time and my appetite was a little better which was nice. Still a lot of food aversions but being able to eat something besides Triscuits sure was a treat. I definitely look like I overindulged though in my bathing suit! Oh well. Baby's second vacation was just a long weekend that my mom and I took to get away to Anna Maria Island in Florida. She's been feeling a lot of sadness from the loss of my grandma, not to mention having the legal battles to deal with. It was a great weekend away for both of us. Again I was able to eat just a little bit more which was nice, but I still just looked like I ate too much ice cream in my bathing suit!

March--After a couple of visits with my new OB, I asked if we could set up an ultrasound early to determine the sex of our baby since no one knew at this point, and we wanted to at least tell our closest friends. Since I was there alone, I felt guilty (for about 10 seconds) when they offered to look right then. It was very clearly A BOY. I was right, and I knew Jason would be thrilled. When I called him from the parking lot, he said it was the happiest day of his life. He finally got to attend the BIG ultrasound for 20 weeks on March 22. It took about an hour, but we saw so much amazing detail; his hands, feet, face (in 4D!), heart, brain, spine, etc. etc. He also measured almost 22 weeks with the size of his head/brain and abdomen! Either he's coming early or I am going to have one huge kid! Jason has officially picked Aug. 2 as the due date, and I'm sticking with July 31. I think he wants to be a July baby.

Finally, we have chosen a name for our little miracle. Jason likes power names (HH) so we toyed around with a few things, but kept coming back to the same one. It also happens to be his grandmother's (she's English) maiden name; Harrison! As long as we're going for power and dignified, I suggested Adams for his middle name. And so it is. I am totally fine with Harris for short, but Harry will not work. :)

We are looking forward to picking out nursery paint this weekend! I am starting to feel like we are running out of time. Once it's nice, I know we will be up north every weekend anyway so it's time to get moving! We're also signed up for birthing classes in May, and a hospital tour at the beginning of the month, plus we are going to tour Grayling's Mercy Hospital just in case Harrison decides he'd like to see the north country first. I can't believe how fast time is going. We are so grateful to have made it this far. God is great!!

The long journey to here...

It's hard to believe we started "trying" two years ago. Looking around at the sheer number of women that are pregnant that we know, you'd swear it's as easy as looking at each other cross-eyed! Not the case with us. I'm able to look back and laugh a little at what craziness we endured too, especially at first. We were trying to chart my body temperature, then we were trying to determine what days were best for, well, trying, and we even went so far as to buy the ovulation predictor strips! We carted those things around Italy in 2009 and tried to account for the time change to try to get them to work. We thought for sure we might have a little bambino after that trip, but alas, no baby.

When finally got down to business and realized we had some serious issues, I was glad that I took matters into my own hands and dumped the crappy doctor's office that insisted I had to try for a year before they would see me. I knew we had some real problems but they refused to even have me come in for an evaluation. Thankfully, with the money per hour the Reproductive Endocrinologist commands, she took me very seriously and ordered a battery of tests to see what exactly the problem was.

I'll spare everyone the details, but the bottom line was undiagnosed medical problems in my teens meant that In Vitro Fertilization was the only way we'd ever get pregnant, and that was assuming that would even work. Fast forward several months to a new RE in Flint. After weighing the options, the financial consideration (thank you Michigan for NO mandate on fertility treatment insurance coverage!), and the mental preparation, we began treatment in April of 2010. I have never stuck myself with so many needles, nor taken so much medication in my entire life. It's not for the faint of heart! Our egg retrieval was on Memorial Day, and I was convinced that was a bad idea because it was a holiday and people surely would rather be home having a cookout with family, right? Our egg transfer was Curwood Saturday, which was interesting, because I have never missed the Heritage Parade in my entire life, and Jason was a saint to park at Tim Horton's when we arrived into town so that I could watch the parade from a lying down position. We were excited to find out two weeks later that yes, we were pregnant, and most likely with twins! Hallelujah! Our prayers were answered!

Several weeks later at our first ultrasound, it was clear things weren't so great. Baby A was larger than Baby B, but neither one looked like it should for that point in development. The next week we had another ultrasound, and it was clear Baby B was definitely not growing. Baby A was still growing somewhat, but no heartbeat was detectable. The final ultrasound showed no heartbeat again, and I was pulled from all meds in anticipation of miscarrying. Miscarriage is the worst thing I have ever lived through besides the death of a loved one. The physical pain is absolutely awful and the mental anguish is felt for months after the fact. Jason definitely got over it a lot faster, adding to my sadness and feelings of loneliness.

Fortunately, we had several embryos still frozen, and we knew we would keep trying frozen transfers (FET) until we were out of options. At my fall consult, my RE wanted to get started with FET preparation in October but Jason and I had already made a decision to take our lives back and go on vacation. We spent the better part of six full months revolving our lives around infertility and treatment and we were done. We used frequent flier miles and got a steal on a balcony room on a Caribbean cruise on Princess. We left on Halloween, and had the time of our lives that week. We didn't worry about a thing (except Hurricane Tomas!) and just enjoyed being married once again. It was wonderful!

Upon our return home, we got started on preparation for FET. I responded well, and our transfer was the day before Thanksgiving. Something about me and holidays... Anyway, we transferred three because that's how many survived the thawing process (three did not make it). We knew God would give us what we could handle, be it 3, 2, 1, or 0 babies. Several days before that though, my grandfather passed away, so it was a really sad time for us overall. It's hard to remain stress free when you have that type of sadness in your family. After transfer, we counted down the days to my bloodtest but it turned out Jason was in Texas that day! It is a great story when we can say to our child, "the day I found out I was pregnant for you, your father was in Dallas!"

Unfortunately, more sadness struck when my Grandma died early on Christmas day. I was extremely close to her and I still can't believe she is gone. She never got to know that we're expecting, but I have faith that she is up in heaven, protecting me and this baby of ours.

Since then, we've had several fantastic ultrasounds that are out of this world amazing. To see the baby wiggling around, to hear that thundering, constant heartbeat is simply awesome. I get to see my RE's office one last time for a final ultrasound, and then they are kicking me out (releasing me) to a "normal" OB here near our house. We have chosen an Ingham affiliated doctor since I've had so many problems with Sparrow and their labs in the past. I know we will be glad we made that decision.

We are so excited about this pregnancy and we can't wait until we hit the 13 week mark so we can start sharing the news with at least a few friends and family members. I am officially 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant today. Lovely side effects include nausea, extreme tiredness, loss of appetite, sensitivity to food smells and frequent urination. The joys of being pregnant! And I wouldn't trade it for the world. God is great!